How Can I Learn If You Won’t Teach Me?

How Can I Learn If You Won’t Teach Me?

Michelle Paquette

In recent conversations, I was exposed yet again to persons of privilege indicating that it was the responsibility of marginalized persons to teach them.  While marginalized persons may have the knowledge or experience that a person of privilege wants to gain, it really is not their responsibility to serve as tutor.  Learning is the responsibility of the person of privilege, and transferring that responsibility to the marginalized persons is an act of privilege.

Now, a marginalized person may very well understand their experience and the issues that they face.  They are engaged with these issues on a daily basis, and yearn for the time when persons of privilege will listen and take in their experience.  That ask by a person of privilege tugs at their yearning, their hope that others will listen, learn, and improve the social environment.  That ask can produce a sense of gratitude, that some privileged person actually values them in some way.

That ask also serves to reinforce the hierarchy between persons of privilege and the marginalized person, however.  Rather than use the hundreds or thousands of resources available on the subject available to the privileged person, whether via the internet, the book store, the library, or professional training and classes, the marginalized person is expected to perform on demand.  That, after all, is their place as an inferior, to accede to one’s demands as a person of privilege.

By insisting that they can only learn if the marginalized person right then and there sacrifices further hours of time going over the ground that they have covered so often in the past, the person of privilege can successfully make the marginalized person question themselves, and the value that sharing their knowledge and experience brings to the table.  With repetition, this experience may succeed in driving the marginalized person away altogether.  

With this transfer of responsibility for education to the marginalized person, the person of privilege communicates that they would very much like to learn, but if the marginalized person fails to respond and educate on demand they are responsible for holding the person of privilege back, preventing them from becoming properly compassionate, understanding, and better connected.  It becomes not the fault of the person of privilege, but blame is dropped squarely on the marginalized person for failing to grant them the boon of education.

This demand, then, becomes another act of privilege, reminding the marginalized person of their lesser privilege, putting them in their place yet again.

Now, as a marginalized person I do care about these issues, and am willing to educate others.  My willingness does not make the education of others my responsibility, however.  Persons who would like me to provide them with information, education, or knowledge need to make a little effort, and show up at a time and place where I am prepared and willing to do this work for them.

It is not my responsibility to educate others.  It is their responsibility to learn, to do the work, engage in even the most basic efforts.  Buy the book, read the article, listen to the recording, watch the video.  Show up for the class.  It is not my responsibility to digest the material and spoon-feed it to others on demand.  

Even marginalized persons have other demands on their lives, other obligations beyond being at the beck and call of privileged persons.  Even marginalized persons have work to do, classes to attend, family to care for.  Privilege does not grant a greater priority on the time of a marginalized person than their own needs demand.

Persons of privilege are not entitled to monopolize the time and energy of marginalized persons merely to sate their own curiosity.  There are other resources available, at very modest effort.  Google it, for goodness sakes!  Read a book.  There are plenty of resources with the information desired already distilled into bits easily swallowed.

If a marginalized person should point out that some behavior is offensive, recognize that they are not taking on the obligation to correct that behavior.  That is the task and responsibility of the offender, to gracefully accept the indication, and do the work to verify and correct that behavior as needed.

If a marginalized person sets aside time to educate others, as a class nor presentation for example, any person of privilege with interest should make the effort to attend.  The marginalized person is offering a gift.  Never assume that the marginalized person will be willing to repeat their class or presentation one-on-one with a person of privilege who failed to attend.  That, once again, is merely an exercise in privilege and serves to put the marginalized person in their place as a person of lesser privilege.

My conversations with people of privilege often feel like I am repeatedly pounding my head against a brick wall.  Oh, sure, if I do it long enough, perhaps I will leave a mark, but it certainly is not comfortable.  And honestly, there are times when I would like to take a break, just enjoy a nice cup of coffee and perhaps some chocolate cake, without having to slam my head into the wall again.

There is no need to remind me that if I only cared about my issues, I should be willing to step up and slam my head into that wall again, surely a small price to pay for a better world!  Unless,of course, the real goal is to slam me down yet again, in the hope that I will go away and stop making the privileged feel slightly uncomfortable.

Are persons of privilege willing to step up, and take responsibility for their own education?