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Happy Re-birth Day!

Legal documents for name and gender marker change. / Photo by Michelle Paquette

Five years ago this week I completed the process of having my name and gender officially recognized and recorded by the state. The laws and procedures have changed in California and other states since I did this, largely for the better.

In November I put together the various forms and documents needed for the legal gender and name change. The Transgender Law Center’s “ID Please” guide was very useful in doing this. The petition, doctor’s letters required for the gender marker change, and supporting forms were all filed with the court, and I was given a court date of January 13, 2017 to appear for the name change proceeding.

While waiting for the court date, I prepared the various documents that I would need in addition to a court order to revise my birth certificate, passport, and drivers license. I wanted to get all of this filed before January 20, 2017, as on that date a new federal administration would come into power, and I was concerned about how they might want to alter policies and procedures compared to the previous administration.

The court did offer the option of simply picking up the records on approval, after which I could file them with the county clerk. I decided to appear instead, just in case one of our local cranks decided to raise an objection to my name and gender change request.

Here’s my record of the day from 5 years ago.

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I think I just set some sort of record.

My petition to the Court requesting the government acknowledge my existence was heard this morning at 9:00 AM. The judge had a couple of other name change petitions this morning, and called us all forward by name, to be seated at the Petitioner and Respondant tables. Yes, I heard “Michelle Jean Paquette” called for the first time in that courtroom.

He then signed the documents, passing them to the clerk, who did something with the computer system and then handed us the documents. He told us to take them downstairs to Filing, get them recorded, and get certified copies. (Nothing unexpected there.) In at 9:00, and out with my court order recognizing me at 9:08.

I had the order filed at once, and got my certified copies, embossed with the court seal and stamp, and signed by the Clerk. By 10 AM I was home. I put the car away, grabbed my prepared materials, and added the court order copies. Time for a little walk to the Civic Center.

At 10:30 I was in the Post Office queue, and by 11 (they ARE the post office…) I had posted a packet to the Department of Vital Records, by priority mail, that should arrive Monday. That one requests the birth certificate under the new name and gender, and seals the old certificate.

At 11:10 I had checked in at Social Security and was in their queue. At noon, my Numident record had my new name and gender inserted. Off to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV).

At 12:15 I was in the DMV queue. At 12:30, they rejected my paperwork, due to a blank ‘Case Number’ field in the doctor’s form. Kaiser doesn’t seem to actually have case numbers, after calling them, but my Medical Record Number would do. Yay cellphones. OK, I fill that in and get back in the queue. Eventually a really nice older woman calls my number, and we chat while she gets the system to open up the name/gender change screens. A manager has to sign the forms, and then unlock the screen so the clerk can enter the new information. At 2:08 PM, I have the traditional bad photo taken, and I am out the door, new license on the way, old license sealed.

Five hours from gavel strike to being done with the Birth certificate, Social Security card, and Drivers License. The SS and DMV cards will be here within 2 weeks. The birth certificate takes a few months, but everything is filed and in process before any administrative rule changes might happen.

Time for a lunch break… Or something…

Over the moon? Elated? Excited? Oh, you bet! I am definitely going to celebrate this event. I don’t know how, just yet, but it will happen.

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I had all of my documents, including a corrected passport in my hands by March of 2017. Sometimes, things really do go well. It’s worth celebrating and remembering those good days.

 

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There’s More To Me Than One Label Holds

Originally published in "An Injustice" magazine, Jan 2, 2022

For all the ‘purists’ who believe “chromosomes are everything” and “sex at birth is all”…

“If your crazy-ass theory of the world doesn’t ease the suffering of people whom you do not understand, maybe what you actually need is a new theory.”

— Jenny Boylan

The Whole Trans Thing

I personally reject the idea that the sex assigned at birth determines all of my identity, drawing a hard boundary around the gender role and presentation I am permitted, and forcing me to remain in one little box of gender identity.

I am aware of the potentialities of biology and biochemistry, and understand the path this body has taken from conception onward, resulting in a person who has transcended the boundaries that this culture draws around gender identity, presentation, and role. My awareness demands that I reject the ideologies that declare assigned sex at birth to be all, or even the primary determinant as to which cultural boundaries I must remain within.

I recognize that there are those whose ideology demands that they deny the validity of my experience, and who demand that I remain within the bounds set by assigned sex at birth.

I also recognize that there are those who accept part of my path and my experience, but for whom my origin and experience are insufficiently pure, ideologically unacceptable in summation, to be worthy of their chosen labels.

These various interacting ideologies and prejudgements make social interactions a bit of a minefield. Living in a culture that insists on a gender binary, and only accepts a narrow set of paths through life can lead to someone like me being rejected or viewed as undesirable by some others. While I personally do push hard for acceptance and recognition that people like me are human and valid, I don’t do this to deliberately others cause discomfort in others. I wouldn’t be comfortable pushing into a crowd that rejects my right to exist as myself.

I would, for example, no more demand entry to a “womyn-born-womyn” event than I would try to attend a Klu Klux Klan rally, for similar reasons. I’d be encountering people whose ideology denies the validity of my existence, and who would not be swayed by my presence.

I do have to be mindful that not all such groups label themselves clearly, and am careful to reach out to organizers in advance to make sure my attendance won’t cause difficulties. I’ve run into situations where a group might tolerate me, but other individuals there are uncomfortable with my presence. I generally will drop such groups, rather than have my presence cause issues.

This is an area that lies outside the experience of the typical white upper-middle-class cisgender woman, but is a part of my life. I am somewhat social and extroverted, and can’t really live my life closeted to avoid causing discomfort to some others.

There’s More To Me Than One Label Holds

That one word, “transgender”, is merely a descriptive adjective. In my case, it very roughly describes how I arrived at my current place in life with respect to gender. Other than that, it’s pretty much irrelevant.

That one label says almost nothing about my skills, my knowledge, or my lifetime of experiences. It doesn’t indicate anything about my carpentry skills. It certainly doesn’t indicate my skill as a technical instructor, an engineer, or cook. It doesn’t even indicate which power tools I’m proficient with!

Honestly, being a transgender person is almost irrelevant to my daily life. I get up, have my morning coffee(s) with my wife, work out, fix a late breakfast, and start in on the day’s projects. These projects might include:

• Finish carpentry on the garage attic I’m turning into a workroom
• Starting some bread
• Grocery shopping
• Preparing notes for a class I’m teaching
• Recording a training video
• Participating in assorted meetings and discussions, mostly online these days
• Doing a bit of research or writing

Later I may be preparing dinner for the household, doing a bit of cleaning or mending on the side, and eventually enjoying a nice meal with my wife and her sister. These are just human activities, the normal elements of my life that occupy my time.

Oh, they don’t occupy all of my time. There are cats to be played with, and of course my dear wife to attend to. We are not islands, after all!

My point is that I am a human being. I am not a political phenomenon, or an ideology to be debated. I can’t be easily defined out of existence.

The right to identify our own existence lies at the heart of one’s humanity. And so, we must heed their voices: ‘the woman that I am,’ ‘the man that I am.’

— US District Judge Carmen Consuelo Cerezo. (From a court order overturning the categorical ban on corrections to the gender marker in birth certificates. )

Finally, a cautionary note: Should you be prone to committing acts of assumption, know that your cultural stereotypes do not interest me, and if you make the mistake of assuming that I fit some stereotype, know that at some point I will happily, joyfully shock you.

Retired software engineer, holder of 19 patents, former nuclear engineering trainer and tech instructor, FCC license examiner and trainer, with experience in finish carpentry and baking. I also have cats…

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An Injustice!
A new intersectional publication, geared towards voices, values, and identities!aninjusticemag.com

Elevator speech — deadnaming and misgendering

I was recently asked to record an “elevator speech”, a short presentation to deliver a message with some impact. The topic I was l given was to explain why misgendering and deadnaming are considered to be harmful. One minute…

I tried the ‘start with why’ approach to grab attention, addressing the ‘why’ behind the need to use correct pronouns and names for the people they encounter through it’s emotional impact. The correct use of pronouns and meaning of “deadname” were presented separately, as part of a broader training.

Here’s what I came up with:

“A transgender person takes on a significant challenge in recognizing that they have a gender identity not matching what society insists they should be. Being dead named or misgendered, even if unintentional, hurts. It declares that their identity isn’t real, that we’ve been just humoring them, and their lived experience means nothing.

It hurts. It strikes like a hammer blow. Being deadnamed in the pharmacy or misgendered by a receptionist is humiliating, shakes one to the core, and brings a downward spiral of self-doubt for days.

Oh, but when we get it right, there’s joy. That simple affirmation, their name said, their gender seen, is tremendously positive. With this simple act, we affirm that we see them, their dignity, and we respect them. We build trust, with ourselves and our organization. They see this space not with apprehension but a sense of safety.”

The recording: https://youtu.be/MD8twgSDhxU

Baked Pumpkin Donuts

Baked Pumpkin Donuts

Prep Time: 10m

Cook Time: 15m

Yield: 18-20 donuts

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour

(Spices can be replaced with 2 tsp pumpkin pie spice mix)

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon allspice

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

1/8 teaspoon ground ginger

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 (15 oz) can pumpkin puree

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

⅓ cup vegetable oil

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 large eggs

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 F.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, pumpkin pie spices, baking powder, and salt.

In a separate bowl, mix together the pumpkin puree, sugar, oil, melted butter, vanilla, and eggs.

Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and beat until just combined.

Spoon the batter into a greased donut pan so that each mold is almost full. Smooth the tops with a small spatula or moistened finger

Bake the donuts for 15 to 18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Put baked donuts on a rack to cool.

Frosting:

Make your favorite sugar glaze, or brush with melted butter and dip in a blend of 1/4 cup sugar and 2 teaspoons cinnamon 

The Cruelty is the Whole Point

 No, actually, the cruelty is the whole point.

I often hear friends commenting that some law or act in the news seems so cruel, that the folks responsible somehow do not recognize that they are being cruel and need to be educated.  Alas, my friends are blessed or cursed with empathy, and that makes recognizing some things terribly difficult.

The cruelty behind these actions and laws is really the whole point.  It’s the chosen tool of a large fraction of the population for enforcing their social norms, and they know exactly what they are doing.

If someone is seen as “too different”, or “out of line”, if they make others uncomfortable in some way, then they are seen as failing to fit into their assigned slot in the social hierarchy.

Cruelty is the tool used to correct this.

It may be cruelty applied directly by self-appointed enforcers in the form of harassment, beatings, or killings.  It may be formalized cruelty, denying basic necessities, medical care, policing, and imprisonment or involuntary commitment to an institution.

About a quarter of US adults:

• Are naturally submissive to authority figures they consider legitimate
• act aggressively in the name of these authority figures
• are conventional (ie conformist) in thought and behavior

These are “right-wing authoritarians.”  

“Right-wing” refers to their desire for a rigid hierarchical structure, and dates back to the loyal royalists who gathered in 1789 in the National Constitutive Assembly following the French Revolution, on the right side of the hall.  Those who wanted to reduce the powers of monarchy were on the left wing.

“Authoritarian” refers to favoring strict obedience to authority, particularly in government, at the expense of personal freedom.

The right-wing authoritarian seeks to increase uniformity and minimize diversity, using social control, coercion and the use of group authority to constrain those seen as undesirable.  They are drawn to leaders who are seen as being at the top of a hierarchy, and are themselves believers in rigid social hierarchies. 

Right-wing authoritarians are more likely to make incorrect inferences from evidence and to hold contradictory ideas resulting from compartmentalized thinking. They are also more likely to uncritically accept insufficient evidence that supports their beliefs and they are less likely to acknowledge their own limitations.  Measured against other factors of personality, authoritarians generally score lower on openness to experience and slightly higher on conscientiousness.

They believe they know better than those they see as stepping out of line.  They see the failure to adhere to what they see as the proper social hierarchy, and they will conscientiously work to correct this failure, for what they see as the good of all.  Oh, they almost certainly do not think through the rationale for their behavior in such detail.  If anything, they would consider themselves simply as people addressing a perceived problem, or perhaps as bullies for the greater good.

“One day you’ll thank me for this.”

Or not.

Morning Consult conducted a survey using the Altenmeyer scale for measurement of right-wing authoritarian tendencies.  The findings point to a significant problem growing in the USA.

https://morningconsult.com/2021/06/28/global-right-wing-authoritarian-test/

• A scale measuring propensity toward right-wing authoritarian tendencies found right-leaning Americans scored higher than their counterparts in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom.
• 26% of the U.S. population qualified as highly right-wing authoritarian, Morning Consult research found, twice the share of the No. 2 countries, Canada and Australia. 
• The beliefs that voter fraud decided the 2020 election, that Capitol rioters were doing more to protect than undermine the government and that masks and vaccines are not pivotal to stopping COVID-19 were similarly prevalent among right-leaning Americans and those that scored high for right-wing authoritarianism.

Call to Worship: Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church, March 28

 A Call to Worship for the Transgender Day of Visibility

Welcome!  I am Michelle Paquette, and my pronouns are she/her/hers.

In our Unitarian Universalist faith we teach that we may each participate in a in free and responsible search for truth and meaning.

Many of us have been engaged in a search for our personal truths, a personal voyage of discovery.  This search may lead us to uncover deep truths about ourselves, and bring those truths to the surface.

As we find and live our truths, we may change how we identify ourselves, how we present ourselves to others in appearance, role, and identity.   This is a deeply personal act, in which we reveal these deep truths to others, and render ourselves vulnerable to them as part of trying to live our authentic lives. 

We ask of others that they also do something in response to our revelation.  We ask that they honor our worth and dignity, and accept us as we accept them.  

This isn’t always an easy thing to do.

Something I have stumbled over quite a bit in my life is a tendency to commit what I call “acts of assumption.”   My mind tries to match  what I perceive at first glance against cultural templates I’ve been taught over my life, to try and produce conclusions about a person I see before me.

I unconsciously commit these acts of assumption with every person I meet.  If that person then reveals something to me that conflicts with my assumptions about them, there is a bit of an internal conflict.  Which is correct, my assumptions or their revealed truths?

It’s not easy to reveal a deep truth about ourselves, only to have it rejected out of hand with a gesture, a remark, or a misgendering pronoun.

It’s not easy to realize that our assumptions are wrong, that the person we see before us is not who we thought they were, that we have perhaps made an unconscious error.  Still, it is easy to recover from this, learn, reset our assumptions, and move on.  It’s not so easy to have deep truths about ourselves casually rejected, authenticity denied.

In our Unitarian Universalist faith we strive to see the worth and dignity of every person, accept one another, and engage in a in free and responsible search for truth and meaning.  I love this about our faith, and I love the experience that this provides me.  I love being able to enter into a space where I know I can express my deep truths, be my authentic self, and know that I am in the company of others who honor my worth and dignity, and who accept me as I accept them.   Thank you for your gift.

This week, on March 31, we celebrate the Transgender Day of Visibility. 

We celebrate the Transgender Day of Visibility  in today’s service, which affirms the truth in each of us. As a community, we support each other through each of life’s transformations.  Later in the service, we will hold the Ceremony of Renaming for members of the community who are claiming their identities by living with a new name.

Let’s celebrate our revealed truths today, as we worship together.

I thought I'd share an update on how our little family is doing.  Laurie, her sister, and I are all living in a "new" 43 year old house in the Portland area.  Initially, after our wedding, Laurie and I were living in her old apartment with her sister while the house was being remodeled.

We are all living in the new house now. We shifted living/sleeping locations soon after the contractor finished remodeling, after a few other little changes were made, and then Laurie finished the huge job of emptying her old 3 bedroom apartment that she and her sister had occupied for a few decades. 

Our contractor had a plumber in for the bathroom work, who we asked to look at our low water flow problem. Throughout the entire house, we had a water flow problem. With no flow, the pressure was quite high, 80 PSI, but when any tap was opened the pressure dropped to something like 15-20 PSI, and the flow was maybe 2 gallons per minute. Running the kitchen faucet while someone was in the shower upstairs pretty much turned the shower into a dribble. This wasn’t really a livable situation yet.

We knew that the shutoff gate valve just outside the house didn’t fully close, and there was a fair chance that it had failed to fully open as well. The plumber replaced that, which let us finish the interior plumbing work with the water fully shut off. It didn’t improve the flow problem, though.

The plumber had mentioned that many homes had pressure regulator “bell valves” on the water line, often buried. If one of these had failed, essentially stuck slightly open, it could cause this problem. We started a hunt for the valve. It would be either by the shutoff at the house, or by the meter at the street. After a good bit of digging we found it at the meter, about 18” down, buried in the dirt.



We had that replaced, but again, there was no improvement. By then the contractor was done with the remodel, so we thanked and paid him. Laurie decided to excavate the line herself to see if we could find some clue as to the problem. As she dug out from the house, she found the copper pipe transition to old PVC plastic line about 5’ out. Additional digging uncovered a 90 degree bend straight down, and about 3 feet down, another elbow and the line headed more or less toward the meter. With the mess of pipe elbows at the street, we had a pretty twisty water line, although not enough to explain the whole low flow problem. With another 30 feet of three foot trench to dig, we thought it was time to call in the pros.



Cornel’s Plumbing agreed to come out and take a look. Alex, the plumber, suggested starting at the meter, opening up the line and checking the flow capacity, and then moving to the house and checking other points until the area with the restriction was found. He rigged a fitting onto the end of the meter, attaching a 50 foot hose. Opening up the meter valve, we had well over 10 gallons per minute out of the hose. Now we knew the problem was on our side of the meter, and not on the city side.

We knew at this point that the flow was poor at the connection to the house, and Alex the plumber had an idea. He took the other end of the hose up to the house, and screwed it onto the hose bib just past the house shutoff valve. Opening the hose valve and street shutoff valve, we had great water flow in the house’s plumbing. He said this lash up with the hose was how they normally supplied water while running a new water line in, but this was only the second time he had seen a home water line blocked in 7 years as a journeyman plumber. The hose lash up told us the water line from the street to the house was where the clog was.

The cost to dig up the old PVC line and find where it was plugged would be high, labor intensive as hand digging was needed to avoid destroying the pipe. It would be much cheaper to put in a new line, better materials, using modern boring technology. We concurred, and he gave us a quote that was much lower than I had expected from doing a little shopping around. So, we bought the replacement installation project.

The crew showed up on time, and went to work. They dove into the crawl space through the hatch in our pantry, scoped out what they needed to do, and started prep. The driller showed up around 11 AM, and set up by the water meter at the street. They started drilling into the gentle slope there, at about the depth of the water line, aiming to miss the other utility lines and tunnel under the house. The plan was to surface the drill head near the pantry crawl space hatch, and install the house shutoff and reducer there, rather than in a vault outside. This would be both more convenient, and avoid any possible frozen pipe issues in the winter. One worker walked along with a special instrument that read out the drill head position, and called out steering instructions to the drill operator. They ran the line over 3 feet deep, past the perimeter foundation, and hit their target. The plumbing crew attached a long length of extremely heavy-duty modern PEX line, and a grounding wire (per code), and this was pulled back through with the drill head. By noon the drill crew was packing up and leaving, and by 2 PM we had a completed new water line in service.

We were ready to move in. With some assistance from a medical supplier, we set up everything for Laurie’s sister, and got her room ready. We would be sleeping in the guest room with my furniture until we got Laurie’s stuff moved from her apartment. We spent a few weeks shifting accommodations, moving boxes and such, and settling in. We thought we had everything in great shape, what with the new roof, new floors, plumbing overhauled, lights working, and a new washer and dryer on the way. We would have a great Christmas in our new home.

Woman plans, Goddess laughs...

The 42 year old Jen-Aire cooktop had other plans. The grill and one burner control failed, and I had the choice of repair or replace in front of me. Replace? There are two downdraft 30” cooktops on the market, and both needed 40 Amp service. We had 30 Amp service installed, which meant that we would have to pull a larger line and install larger breakers. But, the power panel was a Fedeal Electric, which has it’s own issues. Local code would require us to replace the entire panel. The cost of replacing the cooktop was going to be well over $5,000, which wasn’t in the budget.

So, repair. Naturally, the original parts were discontinued about 35 years ago, but there was a suggested replacement. DIscontinued about 20 years ago... The parts are something called an “infinite switch”, the heat regulator for an electric range element. There are so-called “universal” replacements, but they didn’t consider the “unique” wiring of this old cooktop. The cooktop circuitry assumed that the switch internals worked in a certain way, which no modern switch actually does any more, for good reasons. They used their assumption to power up the vent fan whenever the grill was on, bypassing the fan switch. The new switches were wired differently, and resulted in the fan power momentarily being interrupted every few seconds while the grill was on. Even better, if the fan were switched on directly the grill ran at full power, with no temperature control!

Chasing down the internal design of the switches and the wiring of the grill I determined that I needed to disconnect one wire between the fan and the grill proper, and replace the fan switch with a proper double-pole single throw switch, along with the previous replacement of the “infinite switches.” It’s all working now, and the cooktop now largely uses standard parts I can get off the shelf. The fixed cost about $110. While Christmas dinner was cooked entirely in the oven, for New Years Eve we had our cooktop and grill, suitable for some T-bone steaks. Yay!

We’re still slowly unpacking and getting set up. I’m starting to work on proper radio antennas, and Laurie is weeding the backyard using a come-along and some rope rated to 5,600 lbs force (she broke one of her old ropes pulling blackberry vines). Life goes on, and we are enjoying our new home in the “woods.”