Call to Worship for January 13, 2019

Call to Worship for January 13, 2019, at Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church

Welcome. 

Change. It’s something that we do all our lives. I’ve come to believe there are two different sorts of change. There is change that we engage in for self-improvement, to try and make ourselves or the world around us all better. Then there is the sort of change that doesn’t really help ourselves, but changes us to meet the expectations of others.

When I was a little girl I sometimes would do or say things that made others uncomfortable with me. The sort of friends that I had, the things I liked to play with, the other girls who were my friends, even the way I moved bothered other people.  Others wanted to change me, make me into something that I simply wasn’t.

You see, as a little girl I happened to have some male anatomy.  This sort of mismatch makes me what is now called a transgender person.

Eventually, pressure from my parents, my peers, and our religious leaders forced me to change.  They wanted me to be a boy, a young man, something that was far outside of what I could be.  I learned instead how to hide myself, and pretend to be a young man, suppressing parts of my expression and emotional life, exaggerating other bits, to become an unpleasant, emotionally distant, and angry person.  These changes were good enough, and I was declared to be a proper young man, cured.

This was that bad sort of change, changing myself into something I wasn’t.  It let me live, sort of.  I was in fear of slipping, of being discovered hiding behind that persona.  It turns out that over time, living in hiding, failing to live as ones authentic self, will corrode one’s soul.

After a half century, I cracked, then shattered.  That finally let the light in.

I’ve spent the past three years going through another change.  This was a change I wanted and needed to do.  It was change for myself, to improve myself and truly cure what had ailed me, a good sort of change.

I picked up the pieces.  I discarded the bits that didn’t fit, and rediscovered my emotionally complete self.  I let my core personality out to grow, and flourish.   I kept other, useful bits from that old persona.  I’m a woman who is not afraid to use this (shows tool), or work with this (shows equations).  I filled in the cracks with gold.

With this change, I feel that I have done something positive for myself.  I feel vastly better for this.

When we are faced with a need to change ourselves, we have to ask ourselves why.  Do we need to change to fulfill someone else’s needs or wants?  Or is this change something that we need to do, for ourselves?  Would we be changing to be accepted by others, or by ourselves? 

The First Principle: The inherent worth and dignity of every person.

That’s truly a wonderful thing.

We don’t have to change for others here to see our inherent worth and dignity as we gather today to worship together.

Thank you

Perhaps it is time for a different approach

I read an article recently that has me thinking about the ways we label ourselves, and in so doing divide ourselves.  Perhaps it is time for a different approach.

We’ve all seen the strings of letters.  LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQQIA, LGBTQQIP2SAA, and so on.  The letters stand for a variety of terms that represent sexualities and genders.

• L: Lesbian
• G: Gay
• B: Bisexual
• T: Transgender, transsexual, and two-spirit
• Q: Queer and questioning

There are additional terms that have come into use more recently:

• QQ: Questioning and queer
• I: Intersex
• P: Pansexual
• 2S: Two-spirit
• A: Asexual
• A: Ally (a person who is not LGBTQ but supports LGBTQ persons)

The list above is actually quite incomplete.  Kate Bornstein lists 200 sexualities and genders in “My New Gender Workbook”, and has found over 750 in use online.

The proliferation of identities is very useful for folks left out of the mainstream handful of identities in the acronyms.  However, trying to expand the acronym becomes unwieldy, and unfortunately signals the further partitioning of our little community into smaller and smaller factions. 

We are a small population of gender variant folks adrift on a life raft in a sea of heteronormative cisgender folks. Must we start sawing our raft into ever smaller pieces?

I’m not even sure which piece I should cling to, as an older woman, attracted to femme presentation, who got this way by being a transgender person.  Women  tell me I am not a “real woman”. Lesbians tell me I am not a lesbian. Transgender persons tell me I am not trans enough, or am a transsexual and not transgender. 

As we sift our communities members through ever smaller labeling screens some of us will fall through the gaps. 

I know who I am.  I am me, I am queer, and I am here. I support all of my Queer family, in the broadest sense, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, fluid, asexual, agender, two spirit, demi, aromantic, intersex, mux, or the hundreds of other variations of folks that don’t conform to cultural gender and sexual normative models. 

We are Q.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/576388/ Jonathan Rauch, It’s Time to Drop the ‘LGBT’ From ‘LGBTQ’, Jan/Feb 2019, The Atlantic

Divide and Conquer works, unfortunately

I am an older woman, attracted to femme presentation, who got this way by being a transgender person.  I have had some interesting things said to me recently.   Women  tell me I am not a “real woman”. Lesbians tell me I am not a lesbian. Transgender persons tell me I am not trans enough, or am a transsexual and not transgender. 

What is going on?  While there has always been some friction between the factions making up the “Q” community (LGBTQQIA2SM+, some 600 recognized identities) recently we have moved beyond friction to see a significant increase in folks who are outright exclusionary.  Perhaps there is a reason this is happening now, when at first glance, we should be standing united against forces hostile to all of us.

In October 2017  the Values Voter Summit, the annual political gathering sponsored by Family Values Council, a strongly anti-Q organization, featured a breakout session on “transgender ideology in public schools.” One panelist encouraged a “divide and conquer” strategy to defeat “totalitarian” school policies on transgender inclusion.

Meg Kilgannon, a panelist and director of Concerned Parents and Educators of Fairfax County, said:

“For all of its recent success, the LGBT alliance is actually fragile, and the trans activists need the gay rights movement to help legitimize them. Gender identity on its own is just a bridge too far. If you separate the T from the alphabet soup, we’ll have more success.”

She laid out a five point plan of attack to the conference:

1. Engage: “Focus on gender identity to divide and conquer.”
2. Educate: No personal attacks!  “If you attack trans people, you become the proof they rely on for demanding protection,” she said. “So don’t play into their victim narrative because in this culture war, they are the bullies, not the victims.”
3. Explain: Use secular arguments to reach a more diverse audience rather than less effective religious arguments.
4. Empowerment: Kilgannon said that the Hands Across the Aisle Coalition—which describes itself as a group of conservative and progressive women that rise above their differences “to oppose the transgender agenda”—includes feminists who argue that gender identity is the “ultimate misogyny” and “erasure of women.”  She said lesbians in the group are concerned that “transing masculine girls is a form of lesbian eugenics.”
5. Elect: She urged activists to run for school board or to encourage other people from outside the “education-industrial complex” to run. She complained that school boards are full of ideological liberals.

The session speakers phrased their opposition to nondiscrimination policies in what sounded like progressive rhetoric, using phrases familiar to feminist moment speakers pushing for transgender exclusion.  Transgender rights were depicted as anti-feminist, or hostile to minorities.  They were framed as being disrespectful to LGB persons, pretenders and predators harmful to ‘the cause’.

This all sounds horribly familiar, and is unfortunately effective.

https://www.splcenter.org/hatewatch/2017/10/23/christian-right-tips-fight-transgender-rights-separate-t-lgb

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/values-voter-summit-panelist-divide-conquer-to-defeat-totalitarian-trans-inclusion-polici

Easy Creme Brûlée French Toast - Overnight single pan

Creme Brûlée French Toast - Overnight single pan

This recipe is made the night before it will be served, with a single pan to bake in the morning before service.  This dish serves 4-8 people.

Ingredients

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter

1 cup packed brown sugar

2 tablespoons maple syrup

1 loaf of Challah bread

5 large eggs

1 1/2 cups half and half

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon Grand Marnier

1/4 teaspoon salt

Directions

• In a small heavy saucepan melt butter with brown sugar and corn or maple syrup over moderate heat, stirring, until smooth and pour into a 13 by 9 by 2-inch baking dish. 
• Cut 6 to 8 slices, 1-2 inches thick from center portion of bread, reserving ends for another use (bread pudding!) and trim crusts. Arrange bread slices in one layer in baking dish, squeezing them slightly to fit. 
• In a bowl whisk together eggs, half and half, vanilla, Grand Marnier and salt until combined well and pour evenly over bread. Chill bread mixture, covered, at least 8 hours and up to 1 day.
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F and bring bread mixture to room temperature. Bake uncovered, in middle of oven until puffed and edges are pale golden, 35 to 40 minutes.

Notes: 

Trim bottom from Challah bread

Try soaking the bread in batter before placing on caramel layer, especially if doing thicker slices (2”)

        The Grand Mariner can be replaced with something else, from another teaspoon of vanilla to a favorite Torani syrup.

Shifts in Gender Orientation

I was recently interviewed for an article on unexpected shifts or discoveries in gender orientation for folks coming out after age 30.  I had a few thoughts on the topic that I expressed in the interview, and I thought I would get them in writing for our members.

https://www.bustle.com/p/discovering-my-sexuality-after-i-was-30-was-confusing-this-is-what-i-wish-i-knew-13168529

I believe my shift in orientation, fundamentally becoming open to a larger range of partners, was due more to my recognizing and breaking down social taboos on orientation than any innate shift from hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or transition-related surgeries.

Our gender orientation, sexual and romantic, is built in layers.  There is a biological primitive, a bit of our brains wired to recognize other people as possible mates or competitors.  This sets the core of our sexual orientation.  We see others and this bit of our brain identifies those who might be possible mates or sexual partners, based on what can be perceived.  It tends to be a pretty broad sort of classification filter, and there are correlations such that it appears to be set in fetal development during the third trimester by the testosterone level the developing brain is exposed to.

In my case, the filter seems to favor femme appearance as a possible mate.

Our culture insists on certain behaviors as being acceptable.   Since this body was assigned male at birth, this culture had insisted that while growing up and presenting as male, that I only select persons with a strongly femme appearance as a potential mate.  That more or less matches my brain’s setting, so that was OK.  I accepted the cultural conditioning and assumed that was just how I was.

Ah, but then I came to accept my true nature, and violated cultural taboo by coming out and transitioning.  It turns out that breaking one taboo and surviving makes it easier to break other taboos.

Post-transition I, as a woman attracted to women, identified my orientation as a lesbian.  (Cis-lesbian readers, I understand how you may feel about this.  Just read on, please.  This is just my orientation, not culture!)

I was in a transgender person support group meeting, and sitting next to me was a man, with a lovely red-orange beard and reddish leg hair.  They were very kind and open, and I liked them.  In fact, I found myself fantasizing about them.  Now, where was THIS coming from?

After considerable introspection and discussion with some very good sexuality specialists, I realized that the people I am attracted to have not actually identified their genitalia to me, and that the women I did attractive are actually just a subset of persons with some strongly feminine aspects that I admire.  That is I am attracted to persons with some strongly femme attribute to their presentation, and not to some particular set of genitalia.

I rather flippantly describe my orientation now as lesbian with a 30% chance of queer.

This change was driven by my being more open to questioning cultural norms, and I beleive it was not affected by my HRT or surgery, beyond those resulting from my initially challenging and violating cultural norms.

We each define our own identity

We, each of us, are individuals, with our own core identity, our own feelings, our own experience.  We each have our own unique experience of life, and over time, have come to know ourselves.

Some of us may seek aid in clarifying the meaning and impact of various elements of our lives, whether through therapy, guided meditation, support group discussions, or more spiritual means.  These are all aids in understanding ourselves.  These externalalities do not define us.  They do not hold our lives and experience, and cannot tell us who we are.

Each of us, within ourselves, holds the knowledge of who we are, what we need, how we are best recognized and acknowledged by others.  The process of self-discovery to reveal and clarify this knowledge to ourselves is one that many of us undertake.

We have to take care in entering this process to be aware that others may seek to impose their will on us, attempting to assign to us who we are, what we need, and how we should be recognized. This can be toxic, an attempt to poison our very identity, in a misguided effort to make others more comfortable by putting us in a box, what others wish was our place.

When we are on our journey of self-discovery, allies who can help us, and shield us from others who would impose their own ideals or desires on us, are vital.  A good support group or friends may provide this.  We still have to exercise care lest someone that we see as an ally may, perhaps unwittingly, try to designate who we are, place us in some arbitrary box.

Some people are only comfortable with others once they have labeled them, tucked them into their place, and determined what others should be.  Be careful around these people.  When we are most fragile, such folks, even if identifying as friends or allies, can be very damaging.

We are, each of us individually, incredibly complex in our identity and needs.  Never let anyone else set your identity.  Find your own path on your journey of self-discovery.

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2018

Here's my little 2 minute 30 second speech from the Transgender Day of Remembrance event held by Rainbow Community Center and Mt Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church at Todos Santos Plaza, Concord, California on November 20, 2018.  Not a real stem-winder, just what I could fit into 2:30 to try and make my point and request some help.   I've been running a one-woman support organization the past year, providing aid with insurance, medical care, safety escorts, housing, transportation, and so on.  Some help from allies would be appreciated!

Good evening!  I was given a topic to speak on; “Why people shouldn’t be erased.”  I see erasure as nothing more than a violation of basic human rights.  Does anyone here really want to debate this?  Is there a “Why people should be erased” viewpoint?

The current administration has a proposal to redefine sex and gender in terms that might be found in a 70 year old elementary school text, claiming this is “science.”  The effect would be to render transgender folks nonexistent at the Federal level, erasure.

This flies in the face of all that we have learned about sex and gender, an absurd attempt to roll back the calendar and force us wholesale back into the closet or worse.

This will not stand.  With our allies we can put pressure on to block this, through legal and legislative means.

Allies!  There are far more of you than there are of us.  Your support is vital for our survival for the next few years.

Anti-LGBTQ homicides nearly doubled in 2017. Violence has spiked with people feeling that they can freely express hatred.

Trans people are particularly vulnerable.  Trans women in particular can often be identified as such on sight and are easily targeted (along with a few cis women!).  Trans folks outed by having to show ID, or even having to speak have been attacked.  

Alies!  Consider helping trans folks.

Escorts to the hospital ER or Urgent Care to ensure proper treatment is given and defend against misgendering and neglect are needed.

Can you type or print neatly, and follow fairly involved instructions? Help prepare court documents for name and gender marker changes, and fee waivers.

Consider contributing to a micro-grants program to help cover food, utilities, transportation, or rent.

Consider providing aid in getting insurance coverage, not money but simply helping someone navigate CoveredCalifornia.com or Media-Cal applications.

Consider helping someone with their wardrobe, getting ready for a job interview.

Consider contributing to a shelter that will take in trans folks without onerous conditions.

Be an ally.  Step up and help out, please.

Shelter:

A WOMAN'S PLACE

Address: 1171 Mission Street, San Francisco California 94103

Phone: +1 (415) 241-1184

Website: http://www.catsinc.org/a-woman-s-place.html

Hours of Operation: 24 hours

Health Services:

LYON-MARTIN HEALTH SERVICES

Address: 1735 Mission Street, San Francisco California 94103

Phone: +1 (415) 565-7667

Website: http://lyon-martin.org

Hours of Operation: Monday/Tuesday: 8:30am – 5:00pm (Closed for lunch 12:15-1:15), Wednesday/Thursday: 11:00am–7:30pm (Closed for lunch 2:45-3:45), Friday: 1:30pm-5:00pm Saturday & Sunday: Closed

TRANSGENDER HEALTH SERVICES (SFDPH)

Address: San Francisco California

Phone: +1 (415) 206-7979

Website: https://www.sfdph.org/dph/comupg/oprograms/THS/default2.asp

Hours of Operation: Contact the SF Department of Public Health

Gender Clinic for Transgender Patients

Martinez Health Center, 2500 Alhambra Avenue, Martinez, CA

Starting December 4th at West County Health Center

Starting December 21st at Pittsburg Health Center

APPOINTMENTS: By referral or call 800-495-8885. This is not a drop-in clinic.

For more information about the clinic, contact Natasha Petit, LCSW, of the LGBT Pride Initiative at 925-374-2185 or Brian Kuennemeier MA, 510-231-9572, ext 5

Other Services

Rainbow Community Center

Clinical services, HIV support, food pantry, thrift store

Phone: (925)-692-0090

Address: 2118 Willow Pass Rd #500, Concord, CA 94520

West County: 6491 Portola Dr., El Cerrito, CA 94530

Contra Costa County’s Mental Health Access Line

Phone: 888.678.727

LGBTQ culturally competent support workers are available Monday through Friday from 8 am to 5 pm. Screening, brief phone counseling, crisis intervention and referral. Contra Costa Crisis Center trained and supportive Counselors are available to provide emergency support:

Suicide Prevention 24/7 800.273.TALK (8255) 800.SUICIDE (784.2433)

Crisis Intervention 24/7 800.833.2900

California Name and Gender Marker Change

https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/id/id-please