Apple Cinnamon Popovers with Brown Sugar Butter

Apple cinnamon popovers for breakfast!  And with brown sugar butter, who could resist?   These treats are about 160 calories each without the butter.  And, Laurie likes them!

The recipe is adapted from the venerable Betty Crocker cookbook, adjusted for portions and what I actually tend to have on hand in my kitchen.

Apple Cinnamon Popovers with Brown Sugar Butter

• Prep 15 MIN
• Total 1 HR 10 MIN
• Servings 6

Ingredients

Popovers

• 3 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon butter, melted
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons granulated sugar
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup finely chopped peeled apples (1 Granny Smith will do)

Brown Sugar Butter

• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 2  tablespoons packed brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions

• In large bowl, stir together all Popover ingredients except apples just until smooth. I use a blender to get the batter smooth and aerated. The batter should rest 30 minutes or more to fully hydrate the flour.
• Heat oven to 375°F. Generously grease 6 (4-oz) heatproof pottery ramekins, or 5-6 regular-size muffin or popover-pan cups with butter. If using ramekins, arrange on cookie sheet. Heat cups in oven just prior to adding batter. 
• Toss the chopped apples with 1 tsp of cinnamon.
• Place half of the apple in the bottom of the heated cups
• Stir the remaining apples into the batter. Pour batter into hot cups, filling almost to top. 
• Bake 50 minutes. Do not open oven door during baking. 
• After 50 minutes, remove popovers from oven; cut several slits in top of each. Bake about 10 minutes longer. 
• While baking the popovers, in a small bowl, mix Brown Sugar Butter ingredients until well combined. 
• Immediately remove popovers from cups. Serve warm with Brown Sugar Butter.

No-egg Chocolate Mug Cake

I’ve been experimenting in the kitchen again, coming up with interesting baked goods and such with low calorie profiles, suitable for inactive periods spent doing our “shelter in place” thing.  Here’s one fast dessert goodie!

No-egg Chocolate Mug Cake

This cake is less spongey than most mug cakes, and is actually quite low in calories, at 123 per serving.  This recipe makes two servings.

• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 tbsp Splenda baking sweetener
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp 0% Fat Greek Yogurt
• 1/4 cup skim milk
• 1 tbsp semisweet chocolate chips
• Cooking oil spray

Equipment:  Small mixing bowl, whisk, rubber spatula, two 3” ramekins or coffee cups

1. Oil ramekins or mugs with cooking oil spray.
2. Blend flour, cocoa powder, Splenda, and baking powder in a mixing bowl.
3. Add in Greek Yogurt and milk, and whisk into a smooth batter.
4. Pour equal amounts of the batter into the two ramekins or coffee cups.
5. Place 1/2 tbsp of chocolate chips in the center of each batch of batter.
6. Place a paper towel in the microwave and set the ramekins or cup on it.
7. Microwave on HIGH for 80 seconds.
8. Remove and let cool.

123 Calories each

Serve alone or topped with ice cream.

Life in lockdown - Day 10

For the greater San Francisco Bay Area, this is Day 4 of the Shelter in Place order.  For my partner and I, this is Day 10, as we got a bit of a head start from my own medical needs.  I’ve been quietly recovering from a surgery a week before the lockdown started.

Our days are spent quietly, playing around on social media, catching up on publications and articles, turning on the news to catch up on the outside world each evening.  I have books to catch up on, and I enjoy doing a bit of writing as well.

I’ve been digging out my old amateur radio equipment and getting it on the air, although due to my location, homeowners association restrictions, and the construction of this building, I have had very little luck with this hobby activity.  I do have some 50 year old equipment I have been restoring, and I have a couple of work tables set up in the guest bedroom that I use for tinkering about with this older equipment.  I don’t expect to have any house guests in the near future, so I can take over this space more for myself.

The view from the condo looks out over part of the huge Highway 680 and 24 interchange.  Roads that crept along in the morning and evening commute are almost empty, and “rush hour” looks like 3AM on a Sunday morning used to look.  I see a lot of trucks and utility vehicles going by, most intent on providing what I assume are necessary services, and a good number of private vehicles from the few commuters left on the road.

The downtown area looks like a ghost town.  The parking garages in the urban core are all shuttered, and street parking has been declared to be unmetered through the lockdown.  Many businesses are closed, and I honestly am not sure if some will re-open.  We’ve heard that unemployment claims are way up.

There’s a Kaiser Permanente hospital near here, as well as a CVS pharmacy and a Target store.  We’ve heard that these are all candidates for drive-up COVID-19 testing, assuming one meets all the pre-approval criteria, but have not yet seen signs of the expected tents in the parking lot for such a test setup.  Kaiser has already set up 19 drive-up testing sites in the region for its members.

Trying to maintain community contacts is a challenge.  Rainbow Community Center (RCC) and Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church (MDUUC), both groups that I am involved with, have been experimenting with teleconferencing software to handle team meetings and regular group gatherings.  MDUUC has been streaming its Sunday service for quite a while, and last weekend did its first “virtual only” Sunday service, with no audience and minimal staff, all practicing their safe social distancing skills, to provide a service that hundreds watched online.

Both my partner and I are quite active on the public side of Facebook, various private groups, and message boards, all of which feed virtual communities.  This can help a little, but I find that I am a social animal, and need some sort of human interaction.  Not being able to scratch that ‘social itch’ is frustrating, and has me feeling a bit irritable.

I’ve done some committee and board meetings for local organizations via the Zoom teleconference system, which has worked out very well.  I particularly like being able to see other actual human beings, and their facial responses to things I say.  It feels much more connected somehow than voice, and far better than textual exchanges such as message boards. Well, as long as folks turn on their cameras, anyway!  There are always the shy ones!

I have some books I am reading, and I really should get cracking on doing my tax returns, but I am so easily distracted, especially by my kitchen.  The past couple days I have made a Russian rye bread, a sourdough banana cinnamon raisin bread, and blueberry cobbler.  They all turned out very well.  I’ve been cooking full dinners, from corned beef and cabbage to a nice thick crust pizza, along with salads and sides.

I usually also do a hot breakfast, anything from simple steel-cut oats and berries, crumpets and coffee, to bacon and eggs with a hash or potatoes.  Some of that cinnamon raisin bread wound up as French toast yesterday.  The pantry is well stocked, and I have no problems improvising with what I have on hand.

Life in this odd enforced isolation is good so far, and my partner and I are getting along well and preserving each other’s sanity.  I have to confess that I do dread reaching the point where I have to brave the insanity of our grocery store again, a place that is dangerous for our health as senior citizens now, and apparently overrun by panicked shoppers.  Just why do you need two dozen onions and all of the beef jerky, anyway?

Facial Surgery, Round 2

In mid-2017, I met with my surgeon at Kaiser, Dr. Andrew Kleinberger, as arranged by the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic.  We worked out what I needed for my facial appearance in the way of surgical changes.  A CT scan of my head was arranged to gather data the doctor would need in guiding his work.  

The doctor broke down the needed work, totaling some 14 hours of surgery, to be done in two parts.  The first stage, involving bone and cartilage work from forehead to jaw was about 8 hours worth, and the second portion, adjusting soft tissues to match the new bone structure and making some changes to alter the throat cartilage was estimated at about 6 hours of surgery time.  The two surgeries would be at least a year apart to allow adequate recovery and healing of the bone before shifting the soft tissue.

The first surgery was done in late August of 2018, and is documented here.

https://michellepaquette.blogspot.com/2018/08/my-recent-surgery.html

The second stage surgery was performed on March 9, 2020.

We arrived at Kaiser Oakland at 6 AM for checkin and preop stuff.  I was quickly tagged and after a few minutes was back in the pre-op area to be weighed, measured, plumbed and wired for surgery.  I was in the usual little hospital bed, the Gown of Embarassment donned and ready in just a few minutes.  They had that lovely warm air blanked already running and hot, which felt very good indeed.

Because of the time I would be on the OR table, special pads were placed on my rear and shins, something new to me.  The usual EKG wires were placed, and an IV run into my left hand.  Blood pressure was through the roof initially, so I spent a little time in breath meditation to bring this under control.

Laurie was brought back to help me relax a bit, and we chatted about nothing in particular, she trying mostly to reassure me all would be well.

Dr Kathy Brandstetter came by about 7:30, along with a newer doctor on the team, to place guide marks for surgery on my neck and face.  Both had excellent bedside manners, quite reassuring.   They explained that Dr. Kleinberger was a little late and I would see him in surgery.

My anesthesiologist came by, and we discussed what would be done, the broad sequence of events, IV + oxygen + gas, intubation once I was well sedated, and that the tube would be removed post-op, likely before I would be able to remember.  We discussed nausea control and whether or not the anti-nausea patch would be a good idea.  Oh, I got the patch, unlike the first round, and it worked very well!

At 8 AM I was rolled away, saying good bye to Laurie until I was done.  I had the easy job and would be asleep.  Laurie got to sit in the waiting area watching the status board for color changes next to my tracking number.

I was rolled into OR6, still wide awake.  “Good morning, Dr. Kleinberger!”  Three surgeons (one in training), anesthesiologist, scrub nurse, assisting nurses, all circulating around me!  I was shifted onto the surgery table, positioned, armrests attached and my arms lightly fastened down.   My head was on a foam doughnut and chux pad, giving me a great view of the upside-down anesthesiologist and some huge adjustable surgery lights.

The recorder started, all present checked in.  “Michelle, do you you understand what we are about to do?”  “Yes, sir.  Rhytidectomy and chondrolaryngioplasty.”  Basically, a lower facelift and trach shave, as we had discussed a few years ago.  The other stations gave their reports.

“We are ready to begin.”  The anesthesiologist placed the mask and started the oxygen feed.  The doctor mentioned that he would not intubate until after the chondrolaryngioplasty.  (They need to use probes to verify that the incision on the cartilage would not impact the attachment point of the vocal folds.)  Position would be shifted 180 degrees after the chondrolaryngioplasty.  

The smell of the gas suddenly changed.  The room gently spun and faded from view.

I woke in the recovery area about 4 PM.  I felt more than a little spacey, and was thoroughly bandaged up.

I was told that the surgery had gone well, and I would be shifted upstairs for an overnight stay shortly.  I gathered that a Foley catheter had been placed for the hours of surgery, and had been removed about half an hour before.   Laurie was able to join me in post-op, although I don’t remember too much.

At some point we were rolled upstairs to the 11th floor.  I was placed in my room, met the staff, told I would be on a liquid diet, and was asked to watch a couple of videos on fall safety and the hospital stay.

After a few hours they had me out of the bed, and with the aid of a walker made a lap of the floor.  I managed to demonstrate bladder function to their satisfaction, so I was not catheterized (Yay!), and drank my juice and water.

Laurie would be sleeping in my room with me,k a great comfort.  I drifted off after being given two Tylenol for pain control.  I woke just about midnight as the night nurse came in to start an antibiotic IV going.  Pain was ramping up, and I was given 5 mg oxycodone.  This got me to sleep more easily, although the BP checks at 2AM and 5AM woke me again.  

About 7:30 two other doctors on the ‘head and neck’ surgery team came by on their rounds and changed the dressings, showing me how to tend to this.   The dietician came by for my breakfast order... cream of rice or cream of wheat... Decisions, decisions...

The discharge orders were in by 8:30 and a Percocet prescription was ordered for me.  Laurie went down to pick this up.  By 10:30 I was getting dressed, and Laurie went to get the car while I waited for the nurse to take out the IV line and the escort to roll me out of the building in the usual transport chair.

It all went smoothly, and I was home by 11:30.  Oh, breakfast never showed, but Laurie and I had some steel cut oats once home.

The first two days I used a Percocet every 6 hours just to ensure I was comfortable.  The third morning  I switched to one 325 mg Tylenol and stayed with that a few days, just taking a Percocet at bedtime.  

I’ve adjusted my bed to raise the head a foot and have been using a few pillows to support myself.  The elevated position lowers pressure at the surgery site and promotes drainage.  Everything is healing nicely, and the stitches come out Monday, a week after surgery.

I’m back to eating solid food, and the soreness in the jawline and throat congestion from probes and intubation is almost gone.

I’m just waiting for a little bruising and swelling to fade away.

I think I’ll be happy with the result.

#TransLoveStories: Michelle and Laurie's Story

Michelle’s Story

Our current culture likes to tuck people into little boxes for matchmaking, and my little box was pretty unlikely to match.  I'm in my 60s, a woman, identifying as femme, attracted to femme, a demisexual sapphic queer person, with a transgender history.  Sapphic, old, femme, and trans is pretty much an undatable combination.  Only 9% of lesbians would even consider dating a trans person, and 0% over 60.  Femme is generally shunned except by other femmes. I was resigned to living alone as the cost of my transition.

I did have online friends, folks I could message privately and chat with through online forums.  I spent some time moderating a few forums, and that meant interacting online with other moderators to solve problems and keep things running smoothly.  I found myself interacting with another of these moderators frequently, and my chats with Laurie often drifted from the task at hand to more friendly banter.

Now, Laurie liked driving and road trips, and had described long trips across the country that she had taken.  I had never done such a trip since I was a child, beyond a few trips up and down the West Coast.  We bantered about her coming to my area, and how I would get a new room ready for her in the place I had just bought.  It would need to be suitably equipped, with the proper eyebolt and restraints, I joked.  She went along with the joking, adding touches about needing to hunt me down.  

It turned out that she was serious about wanting to visit, but didn’t have my address yet.  I provided that, and finished getting my guest bedroom ready for company.  

Laurie drove overnight to get here, several hundred miles, and I was very happy when she made it here safely.  Perhaps a bit too happy, for when I saw her in the building lobby, according to her I launched myself through the air and knocked the wind out of her with that first hug!

We spent several days together, sharing meals, talking, and walking through the neighborhood.  I felt close to her, connected in some ways by common experiences in our lives, from childhood through the losses we had as part of coming out.  At the dinner table, a few times Laurie would step behind me and rub my shoulders, helping ease the muscle tension that I often had.  After a few times, this developed a bit of a tingle in me, a sense of something waking!  I think she had managed to establish an emotional or romantic connection to me, even if unintentional.

Oh, I responded, tilting my head back, eyes closed and lips pursed.  Nothing.  As she rubbed my shoulders another time, I reached back and stroked her legs.  Nada. Zip.  

I didn’t know if she was uninterested, not getting the message, or perhaps something else.  I was a bit frustrated, as Laurie had managed to make that connection that my demisexual nature needed and, well, urges were awakening.  Her visit was coming to a close, and i resolved to do something.

We took her bags down to her truck and loaded them.  We talked for a few minutes, and she gave me a hug in farewell.  I took her face in my hands, and kissed her on the lips, not a peck but something lingering.  That startled her.  We talked for a few more minutes, where I tried to explain that I had some feelings for her.  Time to go, we hugged again, and once again I kissed her.

As she drove away I teared up a bit, but on her long drive she frequently paused and messaged me.  Apparently I had given her something to think about on the long drive home, and she rather liked the idea.

Laurie was back in a few weeks, in my home and in my life, and we have been together far more than apart ever since, sharing road trips, cruises, meeting new friends together, and loving life and each other.

We recently became engaged, exchanging rings on a cruise to Hawaii, and are enjoying life with one another.  We just celebrated our two year ‘Smoochiversary’, two years since that first kiss by her truck.

Laurie’s Story

I'm Laurie and I vouch for this story. I was there. It's true. And I am thankful Michelle came into my life when she did. What she did not mention is that, I believe she was instrumental in my being here today. 

You see, I was just beginning to emerge from a deep depression. By my reckoning, I had 2 -3 weeks left to live. Antidepressants had just begun to work and had allowed me to make this visit. I had not yet given up my plan to end my life in a tranquil forest grove once spring had sprung. Surrounded by emerging new spring growth and quiet sounds of life all around me I intended to end my life with a shotgun shell so I could once again be at peace with myself. 

Michele changed all of that and gave me a reason to live. I once again had a purpose in life and someone to live it with. I love her and she loves me. Life is good (ok better) again. Thanks to finding a love I was not looking for. 

Thank you, Michelle. I love you. 💘💝💝💞

#TransLoveStories

Education Time! “They” vs “he or she” vs “He/she/they” vs...

Gender neutral language is not about “not offending folks because everyone ie so easily offended these days.”  It is about recognizing that our world is much more complex than we have considered, and including those who were excluded.

The old “he or she” constructs we use at least admitted that “he” really didn’t cover all the bases once our culture granted women some equality, but it still assumes a binary gender model, something we know is incorrect.  Gender is a bimodal distribution, with peaks near the cultural standard male and female genders, but plenty of space in between and outside.

There is an easy fix, fortunately.  In 1275 the word “they” was first used as a singular indeterminate pronoun, and by the 14th century the genderless term was in common use.  It wasn’t until 1745, in “A New Grammar”, that the use of “he” to refer to a person of any gender was introduced, with some heavy rationalization about it being related to the genderless original sense of the word “man” in Germanic languages.   While considered grammatically correct, the genderless “he” may also be considered a violation of gender agreement.

The construct “he or she” is a clumsy attempt to recognize that “he” and “man” really are not considered genderless, and to try and de-weaponize the use of “he” in to exclude other genders.  The “Persons” case in Canada tried to deny seating female Senators around the reinterpretation of “he” as a gendered pronoun, as did the Massachusetts Medical Society’s refusal to admit female doctors, for example.

Now we have an even more diverse set of recognized genders, with California IDs and birth certificates following the lead of other states and permitting gender-neutral birth certificates and IDs, to cover any of a vast range of genders.

Similarly, we have the singular “they”, a pronoun on the shelf and ready for use since 1275!

Writers should use the singular “they” in two main cases:
(a) when referring to a generic person whose gender is unknown or irrelevant to the context and 
(b) when referring to a specific, known person who uses “they” as their pronoun.
 - APA Style Guide

It is not necessary or desirable to use inadequate constructs such as “he or she”, nor the very clumsy “he/she/they”, as “they” is already appropriate for an unspecified, unknown or irrelevant gender.  “He/she/they” is also annoying in that it privileges persons identifying with the normative binary genders by having their genders specially called out, in addition to the “they” used for unspecified gender.

Navigating the Social Minefield

We are the summation of all our life experience, including that which results from the sex assigned at birth.

I personally reject the idea that the sex assigned at birth determines all of my identity, drawing a hard boundary around the gender role and presentation I am permitted, and forcing me to remain in one little box of gender identity.

I am aware of the potentialities of biology and biochemistry, and understand the path this body has taken from conception onward, resulting in a person who has transcended the boundaries that this culture draws around gender identity, presentation, and role.  My awareness demands that I reject the ideologies that declare assigned sex at birth to be all, or even the primary determinant as to which cultural boundaries I must remain within.

I recognize that there are those whose ideology demands that they deny the validity of my experience, and who demand that I remain within the bounds set by assigned sex at birth.

I also recognize that there are those who accept part of my path and my experience, but for whom my origin and experience are insufficiently pure, ideologically unacceptable in summation, to be worthy of their chosen labels.

These various interacting ideologies and prejudgements make social interactions a bit of a minefield. Living in a culture that insists on a gender binary, and only accepts a narrow set of paths through life can lead to someone like me being rejected or viewed as undesirable by some others.  While I personally do push hard for acceptance and recognition that people like me are human and valid, I don’t do this to deliberately others cause discomfort in others. I wouldn’t be comfortable pushing into a crowd that rejects my right to exist as myself.

I would, for example, no more demand entry to a “womyn-born-womyn” event than I would try to attend a Klu Klux Klan rally, for similar reasons.  I’d be encountering people whose ideology denies the validity of my existence, and who would not be swayed by my presence.

I do have to be mindful that not all such groups label themselves clearly, and am careful to reach out to organizers in advance to make sure my attendance won’t cause difficulties.  I’ve run into situations where a group might tolerate me, but other individuals there are uncomfortable with my presence.  I generally will drop such groups, rather than have my presence cause issues.

This is an area that lies outside the experience of the typical white upper-middle-class cisgender woman, but is a part of my life.  I am somewhat social and extroverted, and can’t really live my life closeted to avoid causing discomfort to others.