Me and We; Call to Worship for National Coming Out Day

 Me and We; National Coming Out Day

Call to Worship for the October 11, 2020 service at Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church

When we as individuals make choices, we each tend to consider what might be best for ourselves.  This is normal and natural, a way we act to keep ourselves safe.  Something I ask that we consider, though, is how our choices impact others who share our interconnected web of life.

Today we are faced with the consequences of choices made years ago.  As the President said last week; “Elections have consequences.”  Now, years ago, each of us may have been considering our tax situation, our own desires, or perhaps our frustration with The System when we cast our votes.  Those votes have had consequences, however, that have a much broader impact than ourselves.

These consequences are having a profound effect on me, my partner, and many others in my community.  

Today is National Coming Out Day, a day established by LGBTQ activists in order to maintain positivity and celebrate coming out.  Most people think they don't know anyone gay, lesbian, bi, queer, or trans, and in fact, everybody does. It is imperative that we come out, let people know who we are and disabuse them of their fears and stereotypes.

There are a few things each person considering coming out really needs to be aware of:

• You may lose friends and family.
• You’re going to be OK; You are not always going to feel OK, but you’re going to be OK.
• If you want to make it, you’re going to have to learn to ask for help.
• It’s worth it!

When coming out as a transgender person, there are a few additional things to know:

• A gender transition may be too much to bear even for liberal family members.
• Should you try hormone replacement therapy… It’s like being a teenager all over again, both good and bad!
• Your sexuality may shift.

I’d like to disclose that I am a woman who is attracted to other women, and just last week I was honored to be married to Laurie, my life partner, in a ceremony held right here at Mt Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church, officiated by our own lead minister.

I am also a woman of transgender experience, forced to live part of my life pretending to be a man to try to avoid the abuse this culture heaps on anyone failing to meet narrow social standards.

Now, y’all know at least one LGBTQ person.

The consequences of the individual choices made by others have a profound impact on me.  In a 4 page opinion issued October 5, two Supreme Court justices referred to the Obergefell v. Hodges decision that allowed Laurie and I to be married; “The court has created a problem that only it can fix.”  They explicitly want to invalidate my marriage and are awaiting the appointment of a new justice who shares their opinion, an appointment made and to be approved by elected officials in our government.

Elections have consequences, indeed.

As military veterans, Laurie and I were were happy to learn that on June 30, 2016, Secretary Carter and the Obama administration approved a policy rescinding the decades-old ban on transgender persons serving in the military, after a study found no real reason, no real impact on readiness for maintaining the old ban. 

We were dismayed when the current elected Commander in Chief revoked our ability to serve with a midnight tweet.

Elections have consequences, indeed.

The Department of Housing and Urban Development, in a new ruling driven by elected officials, allows homeless shelters to assign individuals to housing based on their sex as assigned at birth.  If I am in a community where shelters operate under this rule, I would be assigned to a mens shelter.  I feel that I would rather sleep rough, on the street, than be placed at risk of violent abuse again.

Elections have consequences, indeed.

When we as individuals make choices, I ask that each of us consider not only our own wishes, but the impact of our choices on:

• The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
• Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Let us consider this further today, as we worship together.

Life in lockdown - Day 10

For the greater San Francisco Bay Area, this is Day 4 of the Shelter in Place order.  For my partner and I, this is Day 10, as we got a bit of a head start from my own medical needs.  I’ve been quietly recovering from a surgery a week before the lockdown started.

Our days are spent quietly, playing around on social media, catching up on publications and articles, turning on the news to catch up on the outside world each evening.  I have books to catch up on, and I enjoy doing a bit of writing as well.

I’ve been digging out my old amateur radio equipment and getting it on the air, although due to my location, homeowners association restrictions, and the construction of this building, I have had very little luck with this hobby activity.  I do have some 50 year old equipment I have been restoring, and I have a couple of work tables set up in the guest bedroom that I use for tinkering about with this older equipment.  I don’t expect to have any house guests in the near future, so I can take over this space more for myself.

The view from the condo looks out over part of the huge Highway 680 and 24 interchange.  Roads that crept along in the morning and evening commute are almost empty, and “rush hour” looks like 3AM on a Sunday morning used to look.  I see a lot of trucks and utility vehicles going by, most intent on providing what I assume are necessary services, and a good number of private vehicles from the few commuters left on the road.

The downtown area looks like a ghost town.  The parking garages in the urban core are all shuttered, and street parking has been declared to be unmetered through the lockdown.  Many businesses are closed, and I honestly am not sure if some will re-open.  We’ve heard that unemployment claims are way up.

There’s a Kaiser Permanente hospital near here, as well as a CVS pharmacy and a Target store.  We’ve heard that these are all candidates for drive-up COVID-19 testing, assuming one meets all the pre-approval criteria, but have not yet seen signs of the expected tents in the parking lot for such a test setup.  Kaiser has already set up 19 drive-up testing sites in the region for its members.

Trying to maintain community contacts is a challenge.  Rainbow Community Center (RCC) and Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church (MDUUC), both groups that I am involved with, have been experimenting with teleconferencing software to handle team meetings and regular group gatherings.  MDUUC has been streaming its Sunday service for quite a while, and last weekend did its first “virtual only” Sunday service, with no audience and minimal staff, all practicing their safe social distancing skills, to provide a service that hundreds watched online.

Both my partner and I are quite active on the public side of Facebook, various private groups, and message boards, all of which feed virtual communities.  This can help a little, but I find that I am a social animal, and need some sort of human interaction.  Not being able to scratch that ‘social itch’ is frustrating, and has me feeling a bit irritable.

I’ve done some committee and board meetings for local organizations via the Zoom teleconference system, which has worked out very well.  I particularly like being able to see other actual human beings, and their facial responses to things I say.  It feels much more connected somehow than voice, and far better than textual exchanges such as message boards. Well, as long as folks turn on their cameras, anyway!  There are always the shy ones!

I have some books I am reading, and I really should get cracking on doing my tax returns, but I am so easily distracted, especially by my kitchen.  The past couple days I have made a Russian rye bread, a sourdough banana cinnamon raisin bread, and blueberry cobbler.  They all turned out very well.  I’ve been cooking full dinners, from corned beef and cabbage to a nice thick crust pizza, along with salads and sides.

I usually also do a hot breakfast, anything from simple steel-cut oats and berries, crumpets and coffee, to bacon and eggs with a hash or potatoes.  Some of that cinnamon raisin bread wound up as French toast yesterday.  The pantry is well stocked, and I have no problems improvising with what I have on hand.

Life in this odd enforced isolation is good so far, and my partner and I are getting along well and preserving each other’s sanity.  I have to confess that I do dread reaching the point where I have to brave the insanity of our grocery store again, a place that is dangerous for our health as senior citizens now, and apparently overrun by panicked shoppers.  Just why do you need two dozen onions and all of the beef jerky, anyway?

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2019: Speech at Todos Santos Plaza with Rainbow Community Center

Welcome!  I am Michelle Paquette, and my pronouns are she/her/hers.   I am a person who transcends cultural gender boundaries, that is, I am a transgender person. In my case, as in many others, when I was born the regions of the brain that mediate perception of my body didn’t match the sex assigned to my body.  To put it simply, my body didn’t fit my gender identity.  We try to reconcile this as best we can, adjusting our gender presentation, roles, perhaps even through medical care.

This mismatch occurs slightly less often than natural redheads do, a normal if infrequent expression of biological diversity.  Transgender people are normal, if not common, but are also the target of pervasive and persistent violence for simply existing.

"Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence.“, said founder Gwendolyn Ann Smith,  who started this day in 1999 as a vigil to honor the memory of Rita Hester, killed in 1998, and all those killed through violence.  She continued “...it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice."

Transgender people are a living study in intersectionality.  All transgender people can be the target of transmisia,  Transmisia is prejudice plus power, systemized discrimination or antagonism directed against transgender/nonbinary/genderqueer/agender persons.  Historically, 17 percent of all reported violent hate crimes against LGBTQ people are directed against those who identified themselves as transgender.

Now, add into this systemic misogyny, entrenched prejudices against women within this culture, doubly impacting all transgender persons with a femme presentation. About two-thirds of all reported violent hate crimes against transgender people are aimed at transgender women and femmes.

Next, add into this systemic racism, embedded in all social institutions, structures, and social relations within our society, which triply impacts transgender women and femmes of color.  Historically, over 80 percent of murdered transgender women are persons of color.

Transgender Americans experience poverty at double the rate of the general population, and transgender people of color experience even higher rates.  We have an unemployment rate three times the general population, and transgender people of color are unemployed at a rate of four times the general population.   Poverty and unemployment or underemployment impact transgender people’s housing and medical care, and so stability and quality of life. Those without access to stable housing and employment and left out on the streets are most vulnerable to violence.

We have seen the federal government act to permit discrimination against transgender persons everywhere from adoption services, through medical care, and even emergency shelter.  We have seen our government argue in the courts that gender identity discrimination is not a sex related discrimination, and that discrimination against transgender people is perfectly legal.

We have seen the government ban military service for transgender persons, who have served honorably, as I have.  We saw the government try to legally define gender to be irrevocably the sex assigned at birth.

We have seen propaganda campaigns that try to demonize transgender people, as part of a broad campaign to make simply living our lives more difficult.  We have seen a new campaign launched, built on curated misinformation and aimed at transgender children and student athletes.

Allies, no, accomplices, consider what author Imogen Binnie suggested a few years ago on Twitter: ask what the article or conversation would have trans people do. And “if the answer is something like ‘not be trans,’ please consider that most trans people have tried that and it didn’t work.” And if you are having a conversation in public or private that at its core is debating whether a person should exist, please re-consider the value of that conversation.

These campaigns impact transgender youth disproportionately.

   

“Every day they have to hear these terrible things. They are less than a person, they can’t count, they can’t use the bathroom of their choice, they can get fired just for being who they are,” said Alexis Chavez of the Trevor Project.  The Project’s research has shown some disturbing results: More than half of transgender youths have seriously considered suicide; 78% reported being the subject of discrimination because of their identity.

Since January 1 in the United States, 22 transgender or gender non-conforming people were fatally shot or killed by other violent means. We say at least because too often these stories go unreported -- or misreported. 

Worldwide, in the one year period ending October first, at least three hundred sixty-eight (368) transgender persons died in violence.  Thirty of these were in the United States, including deaths from violence under suspicious circumstances, and five more driven to suicide that we know of.

We have been meeting like this for twenty years.  In that time, 3,317 trans and non-binary people have been recorded as dead through violence around the world.   Transgender women of color bear the brunt of this terrible burden. 

The visibility of transgender people can not be denied. We live in your neighborhoods.  We are doctors and lawyers, ministers and judges, sex workers and artists.  We are the same as everyone else.

We are here, and we will not be erased.    We will not be erased.

WE WILL NOT BE ERASED.